Most phone trees, typically computer generated to guide your call to the proper party in an organization, have the following flaws (suggested strategies to combat them in parentheses):
1. 1. The organization is subjecting you to a computer, and doesn’t care enough about you to connect you initially to a person. (Let the organization know that you will deal with them if a human calls you)..
2. 2. The phone tree is too long or has too many branches. (Continually chant “operator, agent, human, help” into the phone until the computer gives up and connects you to a person.
3.None of the choices in the tree seem to have much to do with your problem. (Use above chant).
4. The computer will first tell you that it is sorry, but there are an unusual number of calls waiting, and don’t hang up, because we very much value talking to you. You are number 13 in line, and the wait will be approximately (10—20?—30?—50?) minutes. Or the computer will switch you to a phone which is either not answered or connects you to a tape apologizing that no one is there, but your call will be answered as soon as possible. (hang up and seek an alternate vendor).
5. 5. The phone call will actually be answered by a human, but they work in a phone answering service and will only know the answers to "the most frequently asked questions", none of which also have anything to do with your problem. (Politely point out that they are wasting their ability to charm people and speak flawless English, and should demand a raise).
6. 6. Your call is either immediately answered by a nice person who solves your problem, or you are rapidly switched to one of same. (Compliment them extensively, get their name, that of their supervisor and the president of the company, and send them a rave letter, with copies to their boss, the president of the company, and Barak Obama. If you are wealthy, send them a gift of a round trip airplane ticket to Hawaii).
Interesting, isn’t it, that there are apparently a large number of smart and personable young people who can’t find jobs, and yet organizations seem to want to replace people capable of pleasing their customers and improving their reputation with computers? A couple of years ago the Stanford registrar’s office changed from a number of people in an office with an open door, who were willing to help students, faculty, alumni, parents, and whoever, to a system that illustrates several of the above problems – and Stanford has a lot of money and is expensive to attend. Go figure. But in the University's defense, if you call the main number, a person still answers.
I spend reasonable effort in finding organizations that have smart and helpful people answering calls, or even better, identifying the direct phone number, e-mail address, or other way to contact such people, as well as striking up a mild acquaintance with them . It is worth the effort in decreasing the frustrations in life as well as solving problems. Perhaps the most valuable contact is a highly placed administrator who takes care of the president of the organization and with whom you have become a personal friend.
Life is too short to be hassled by computers.
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